Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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