How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
