Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
