I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
