OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
