So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
