a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
