I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
