DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
