I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
