I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
