For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
