I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
