First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
