Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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