I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
