Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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