I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
