Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
