You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Acid is not a monday night drug
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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