He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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