if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
