I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's always time for handjobs
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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