Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
