apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
