he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
