he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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