I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No subtext here. People are naked.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
