u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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