forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
