just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
