i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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