Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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