She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
