Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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