You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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