i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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