I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
