i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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