I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
