Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
