The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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