How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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