I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
