i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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