she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
