Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
