At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
