i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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