He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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