My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
