dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The air taste purple.
Randomize
