It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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