Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
